mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize