ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
