i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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