Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
