There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
