I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
