Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
