Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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