my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
