I have demons in me.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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