return my video game
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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