you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
