I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
