1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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