I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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