you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
