Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
