is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
