So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
