The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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