If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
