I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
