Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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