K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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