Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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