When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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