You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
