never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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