I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize