Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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