she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
