It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize