I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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