Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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