The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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