$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
