the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
