That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
