You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
