Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
