You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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