i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have aggressive nipples.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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