Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Randomize