you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He passed out mid-signature
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
