I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
