yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
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my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I AM VODKA MAN
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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