Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize