I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I intend to get homeless drunk
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
