I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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