I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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