I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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