I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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