Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
