the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We smell like vodka and hangover
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
