Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
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I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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