I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
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My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
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Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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