he puts the penis in happiness.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
