glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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