I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
okay pat passed out under dana's car
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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