Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
