The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize