BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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