I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
