i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
