I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
