Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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