when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
