Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
