omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
