she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
