My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
