Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
