Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
