does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm both gender and math confused
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
