I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
