After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
