Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
