hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
