She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We are two peas in an std pod
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize