everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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