I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
