Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
