Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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