Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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