after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
