i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
