I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
