By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
tell me about the eggs
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
