you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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