You really coming over, don't trick.
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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