I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Who died my cat blue again?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
