Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
